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:iconimmortalizedlies: More from ImmortalizedLies


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Poetry and Lit by llombard17

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Submitted on
July 25, 2012
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Scarmaker

Your promises kept~
Breaking   Breaking   Breaking
I tried to hold those hopeful words you said
But you've always managed to hurt the both of us in the end

Our tears shed~
Seething  Seething  Seething
Down and away like liquified memories of regret
While every stinging mistake rushes back and quickly spreads

My hands left~
Trembling   Trembling   Trembling
I find myself feeling lost in this inner emptiness
As all my love for you continually escapes from my chest

-
This is our last resort / Please, don't say it's so
There's no trusting me anymore / Please, you don't have to go

We tried, but it just can't work / Then I swear that I will change
I lied, and made everything worse / Then give us more time, and just wait

I don't want to make you cry ever again / I'd rather have you than nothing
I can't stand being the source of your pain / I want you to know that you're my everything

I know you're better off without me / But I will always need you here
Things will get better, you'll see / But living without you is my worst fear

-
Your promises forgotten~
Leaving   Leaving   Leaving
You ripped yourself away and left my wounds open
And the last moments of weakness remained frozen

My soul's suffocating~
Victim   Victim   Victim
Every single failure should have a reason
But my will to keep on trying is slowly weakening

My heart's broken~
Crumbling   Crumbling   Crumbling
And I don't know if I can ever let you be forgiven
Because it's going to be impossible to endure all of this emotional scarring
Add a Comment:
 
:iconblackroses45:
BlackRoses45 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this would make a great song.
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, thank you. I seem to be getting that kind of comment now days. :D
I'll try and make more like this one.
Reply
:iconblackroses45:
BlackRoses45 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^^ you should, it's good. :)
Reply
:iconwhats-left-of-me:
Whats-Left-Of-Me Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Student Artist
o.o I Love this...
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^_^
I had such a good time writing this one. Every line just fell together, and it was like it was waiting to just be written.
Reply
:iconwhats-left-of-me:
Whats-Left-Of-Me Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Student Artist
haha I know what you mean...
Poetry is just so amazing ^_^
Reply
:iconfreaky208:
freaky208 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi there!
This has been featured in #All-For-Art's Featured "Best Of" Poll 44 [link]
You may share this with your friends and vote for your or the other deviants' work.
Take care :rose:
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so excited! :D
Reply
:iconfreaky208:
freaky208 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:la:
Reply
:icondonttuchme:
donttuchme Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Student Digital Artist
very good
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
I'm glad you ejoyed this. I can't wait to write the other two dreamcatcher poems! :D
Reply
:icondonttuchme:
donttuchme Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Very welcome. i liked it i cant wait for them. it will be good i hope :)
Reply
:iconrockburn:
rockburn Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012
I enjoyed this! :=D
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:D
I'm so relieved that you've enjoyed what I had to offer. It means a lot. <3
Reply
:iconkat-akatstuki:
Kat-Akatstuki Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012
That's great. :)
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :D
Reply
:icondreamer1104:
Dreamer1104 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012
This is amazing I haven't read anything this good in a really long time.
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
You have made my day, I really needed that!
Thank you a ton! :D
Reply
:icondreamer1104:
Dreamer1104 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012
No problem, I just gave credit where it was due. Keep up the good work! :D
Reply
:iconla-pomme-de-terre:
la-pomme-de-terre Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012
Really well done. ^^
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^.^ I'm glad you see it that way. It gives me relief. :D
I was like omg, are there any errors? :P
Reply
:iconla-pomme-de-terre:
la-pomme-de-terre Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012
It's perfect; no worries.
I wish I could write like that XD
Reply
:iconx-the-fox:
X-the-Fox Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Student General Artist
very nice..
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^.^ I'm very glad you liked this.
Reply
:iconmirageangel21:
MirageAngel21 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is awesome, you captured the emotions perfectly. i agree, this could be a really cool song.
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
When you say it like that it gives me a sense of relief, I don't know why, but I just worry a little bit when I release something. But I guess it's just me :P
Thank you so much. :D
Reply
:iconmirageangel21:
MirageAngel21 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yeah, no problem, anytime
Reply
:iconpoptartlolol:
Poptartlolol Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel like this could be a very successful song. =7= Oh my god, it's so amazing, I can feel the emotion so well. I've never been in love. I'm not the kind of girl who falls head over heels or anything like that. And even then, I could really connect with every word that was said because you structured it so well. Really good job on this, and good luck on the project. You're amazing!
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^_^ This is my favorite comment. Thank you so much. I can't take all the credit though. I got my cousins to read my poetry to me a few times, and just hearing both of them read, it was like a different kind of inspiration. And because of that experience, I've been able to write poetry a lot better. And I've gotten a lot bunch of comments saying it sounds like a song. Well, it's all thanks to my wonderful cousins.
Thank you again for your kind words. And I can't wait for the project to progress more. <3
Reply
:iconpoptartlolol:
Poptartlolol Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww. I'm glad you like. I just thought you would appreciate an honest and thought out comment. Your work really is brilliant, and that's actually a very clever way to improve! I'll definitely have to try it out some time...
If you ever take a song writing class or something... I mean, dude. Put music to it and it's automatic Top 20 for sure. XD And tell your cousins I thank them as well, because I'd be darned if my cousins were ever that supportive. They're loving, but they're more of the tough strong outside, loving inside types. lol
You're always welcome, no worry. And I'll be waiting right alongside you~ :D
Reply
:iconshannon-sweeney:
Shannon-Sweeney Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful! :rose:
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Thank you for your kindness! :)
Reply
:iconshannon-sweeney:
Shannon-Sweeney Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconluxun1986:
LuXun1986 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
just fantastic
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That means a lot, so thank you for your kind comment. <3
Reply
:iconluxun1986:
LuXun1986 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure ^w^
Reply
:icontoaofnight:
Toaofnight Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, my Godness. Beautiful
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm happy that you liked this. :D
Thank you.
Reply
:iconchalekam:
chalekam Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful poetry! My favorite line is the 2nd stanza's '...like liquified memories of regret'. Imagery like that drops jaws!
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Funny, I'll let you in on the process that happened with this piece.
I wrote it all in a day, and I left it alone for a few days, and I wanted to upload it in the morning, but I thought I better go over and potential errors. I found myself unhappy with that line, what it used to be is this- "Like liquified memory threads" and then I deleted that and came up with that one which you mentioned. So I'm glad I changed it to that one :)
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconchalekam:
chalekam Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!Your poem certainly reflects refinement and method. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Reply
:icondreamsmixedreality:
DreamsMixedReality Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^_^
Thank you.
Reply
:icondreamsmixedreality:
DreamsMixedReality Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
your wedlcmoe
Reply
:iconreflectionsinwater:
reflectionsinwater Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's very nicely done. The repeated words gives a sense of the eternity, and captures that moment in the middle. Brilliant!
Reply
:iconimmortalizedlies:
ImmortalizedLies Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and I'm glad you like that little effect of the repeated words. It's simple, but I love it. :)
<3
Reply
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